SOMETHING FOR THE MILLENNIUM, SIR?

A new contraceptive device went on sale this week. The Persona measures female hormone levels in the urine and gives `traffic light' signals as to whether it's safe to proceed or not

Like a small computer

In a case for specs

It's a traffic signal

For directing sex

Buy it in your chemist's

Pop it in your bag

Stick it in the bathroom

Green means shag.

Free of nasty hormones

Hardly ever fails

Catholic approval

Guarantees the sales

Goodbye, padlocked boudoir

Icy showers and chess

Monsignor Del Monte

He says "Yes".

Nearly safe as condoms

When the light is on

And of course this gismo

Will not choke a swan

Batteries included

Fifty quid a shot

Are they on prescription?

No, they're not.