Guy Baron

The academic researcher replies to criticism by three of his brothers that he is not funny enough to be allowed to join their comedy trio

Brothers are odd. They think they can say anything to each other. I opened the paper today and three bald heads, grimacing like constipated Teletubbies, peered out at me. They were my brothers, Marcus, Adam and Jason Baron.

Brothers are odd. They think they can say anything to each other. I opened the paper today and three bald heads, grimacing like constipated Teletubbies, peered out at me. They were my brothers, Marcus, Adam and Jason Baron.

As I read the article it became clear to me how jealousy can strike at the heart of very close relationships.

For years I have been a faithful and loyal brother to these three supposed comedians. (Although I fail to see how a song about a paedophiliac babysitter or a sketch about gay and happy slapstick Nazis could ever constitute the kind of fine British humour we have come to expect from such leading laughter lords as Les Dennis and Joe Pasquali.)

Yet now they brush me aside with the full knowledge that should they allow me to expose my superior wit and intellect, they will, in turn, be exposed for the comedic sham they are.

Being told that I am "not as funny as he thinks he is" by Adam, a man whose comedy talents consist of reading the Les Dawson guide to great comedy - backwards - is like William Hague telling Tony Blair he should get a new image. Adam is, truly, the thief of bad gags - although, admittedly, the creator of some good ones.

Reading on, I sense a pattern emerging as Jason describes me as "not quite funny enough". The funniest thing Jason has ever done is blow out his cheeks to make himself look like a puffer fish. Granted, he plays the guitar pretty well - when his right hand isn't shaking too much through alcohol abuse - and he can sing. Jason has many talents, as he'll tell you himself, but being funny? You see, brothers can say anything to each other.

Oh, and Marcus? Well there's only one way to describe him - truly funny.