Last week was ...

A Good Week for goldfish, as John Day, a car park inspector from Lowestoft, revived his two pets with heart massage and the kiss of life after finding them lifeless in his frozen garden pond. Mrs Day then pepped them up in a bath laced with herbal tonic and brandy.

A Bad Week for Snow White, as six of her seven companions in pantomime in Southampton were taken ill with 'flu. The only healthy dwarf is Sneezy.

An Uplifting Week for swine, as Frankie the pot-bellied pig returned to his home in Banbury, Oxfordshire, after Britain's first

porcine face-lift operation.

A Heady Week for Mut, an Egyptian goddess, whose damaged statue in Luxor has been reunited with its face, found in Cairo after being lost for almost 100 years.

An Impotent Week for a thief in the Netherlands who stole what he thought was a rhinoceros horn, but was actually a plastic replica. The theft, from Groningen University, followed a magazine article on rhino horn as a supposed aphrodisiac. A spokesman said the thief was likely to be disappointed with the effect of any experiment.