Lisa Snowdon opens up about ‘tortured thoughts’ after abortion: ‘Was that my chance and it’s gone?’

Presenter terminated a pregnancy in her late twenties and has later been open about her desire to have children

Lisa Snowdon has spoken frankly about the conflicting feelings she’s experienced after having an abortion in her late twenties.

The TV presenter, 51, has been open about her fertility journey over the years as well as sharing other insights into her health and ageing.

In a new interview with the Daily Mail, the former Britain’s Next Top Model host gave some insight into the damaging thoughts she had over her difficulties with getting pregnant after once having an abortion.

“I’d think, ‘Was that my chance and it's gone? Is this my punishment? Maybe I don't deserve to be a mother because I did that,’” she told the publication.

Snowdon then attributed these thoughts as being part of some women’s tendency to “blame ourselves” and find ways to feel worse about a situation.

“You do kind of put yourself through a bit of torture,” she continued. “I think we women have the capability to do that often to ourselves. We just try and add salt to the wound if we’re feeling s***ty. We’re like, ‘What else can I do in order to make myself feel even worse?’ To blame ourselves and feel shame.”

Snowdon also reiterated her confidence in her choice to end the pregnancy, because her partner at the time was not one she wanted to continue a lifelong relationship with.

“I stand by the fact that it [the termination] was the right decision because I’ve always thought that if I’m going to have a family, I want a supportive partner – who’s loving, who’s there – and I was with a man who wasn’t the right man to have in my life. He’d let me down, hugely, wasn’t even there for the first doctor’s appointment [about the pregnancy].

Lisa Snowdon (Gareth Cattermole/Getty Images)

“If I’d had the baby, I’d have been connected to that man for the rest of my life. But every now and then I’d think, ‘Gosh he or she would be this or that age now’. You never forget.”

Elsewhere in the profile, published on Sunday (13 August), Snowdon recalled her pregnancy loss when she was 41, moments before going live on LBC radio.

“To say I was devastated is an understatement; I was heartbroken, inconsolable,” she said.

However, she and her partner George Smart have now accepted not having children, and are instead cherishing their own company and the other young people in their close circles.

She added: “We’ve got loads of kids in our lives (five nieces and nephews between them), so we decided to enjoy them and most of all enjoy each other and have adventures, see the world and feel blessed we found each other again.”

If you have been affected by the issues raised in this story, the NHS signposts to support through this page. Or you can speak to someone in confidence at the British Pregnancy Advisory Service, the UK’s largest abortion provider, by calling 03457 30 40 30 or emailing info@bpas.org