Simon English: Mothercare gets short shrift from trader Steve

Outlook Ring, ring. Trader Steve's on the phone and he's clearly in some confusion about the sort of services we offer around here.

"I need relief, desperately," he says. "Meet me in the Blue Posts son, half an hour. Bring that mate of yours. No, the good-looking one." What's up with Kamikaze Steve?

He's done his beans on Man Group shares, chucked his chips on Burberry, lost his shirt on BP.

"I've shorted Mothercare just to cheer meself up," he says. "I hate bleedin' Mothercare. Half an hour."

The stock market ain't all strippers and balloons you know.