Captain Moonlight: The Captain's Catch-up Service

YUP, here it is again, the Captain's regular information extravaganza, the news digest with worrying implications for humanity . . . Europe's first rally for funeral vehicles takes place at Beaulieu later this month. A British Institute of Funeral Directors spokesman said it will be 'a fun day out for the family' . . . As many as 200 men a year break their penises while making love, according to a research team at London's Whittington Hospital. The break is indicated by a cracking sound. 'The patients require 30 to 40 stitches, a kind of splint and complete rest for six weeks,' said consultant urologist Ronald Miller . . . A motorbike gang called the Pathetic Bikers, who sip soft drinks and refuse to ride in the rain, have hit the road in Ponteland, Northumberland . . . A prisoner weighing 22 stone who tried to hang himself in a Peru jail brought part of the roof down, allowing three inmates to flee . . . And, finally, a busy week in the fire service: in Luton, firemen used a resuscitator to revive a hedgehog trapped in a drainpipe. In Gravesend, they saved 20 gerbils from a blazing house. And in Norway, a fireman revived an unconscious hamster with the kiss of life after rescuing it from another fire. The hamster then bit him on the nose.