Rant & Rave (24/02/13)

Rant

In the olden days, there were certain types of private members' clubs where one could take people in order to palm them off on someone else. Now, these are not necessary, because we have mobile phones. Apparently, adults now check their phones 150 times a day. That's once every six minutes, or more often if you're in a pub with someone you find boring. Here's an alternative: if there's someone in your phone who you'd rather talk to, just hang out with them instead. But it gets worse: 45 per cent of adults will phone or email someone in the same house rather than get up and talk to them. I'd like to suggest a new "mansion tax" alternative for the Government to consider: anyone with a home so big that they have to phone up another person in it should have to pay a forfeit. The forfeit should be one mobile phone.

Rave

Let's all give a big, bristly kiss to Johnny Harrington, the model who got elderly lady columnists' knickers in a twist last week when it was revealed that he is to be the face of some John Lewis adverts. It's a nice face, but it's a bit hairy, you see. This led him to be labelled as not just a "tramp", but "a gingery tramp" – gingery being so much more sinister than just poor old "ginger", with its implications of being ginger on purpose. When he's not modelling vests for a major retailer, Mr Harrington is a carpenter, and as such he presumably has much better and manlier things to do than scraping his face with a razor every day. Also: he's ginger. And he can come and knock up some shelving over at the IoS any time.

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