Notes: 17/08/2010

The dog ate my homework? But dogs do these things. One in New York ate $250 in dollar bills the other day, and the owner had taken the evidence, when it came to pass, to the bank to make a deposit.

The trouble with cats is you can't rely on them to be so proactive. Cats are more disdainful of human need, as the cricketer Graeme Swann, pictured, discovered. He came back from an evening out to find his pet stuck under the floorboards. The police breathalysed him when he went out to Asda in his Porsche to buy some screwdrivers.

The England spinner should swap his cat for a canine. At least a dog might have eaten the car keys.