The Sketch: This man is so boring it's interesting

Not to be rude and with all due respect and really as a matter of stating a fact that everyone already knows – Alistair Darling is very boring, isn't he? I mean he's so boring it's interesting. He can't be like that by accident, it must be willed.

He was asked pertinent questions by the Treasury Committee and gave forking, evasive replies which defeated anyone trying to take an interest. "There are two issues here," he'd begin. Or, "I think there's a general debate to be had." Or, "I'm not saying that at all. I think we need to do whatever is necessary."

A rival hack kept up a running commentary consisting entirely of yawns. He sounds like whales when he yawns. The Chancellor would be cranking it out and this journalist would surface with a explosive "Pwaa!" "Kah-k-kha!"

As you would, if you had two hours of the Chancellor. It became clear with George Mudie's direct questions that Darling wasn't going to say anything of general or particular interest.

Mudie asked if he'd congratulate one newspaper for its articles about tax avoidance; they'd named company after company avoiding £14bn in taxes. Mudie had to say: "You're looking puzzled, did you see the articles?"

The Chancellor suggested it was possible – without being definitive – that he might have. Mudie became sharp, exasperated. A tad contemptuous. Was Darling going to do anything? Had he even spoken to HMRC about it? "I have many discussions with HMRC about a whole range of issues." Pwah! Ka-kha!

So how was the Government to resolve the conflict of interest between being the owner of these banks, the regulator of them and representing their customers as well? That was "an interesting question" followed by 500 words of flibbering blether.

How about the contradiction in the Government's need to rebuild the bank balance sheets and also have them lend more? Or to have consumers start to spend more, while saving?

But he can't say anything that allows others into the debate because then he starts to lose it.

Jim Cousins made the most concise point, and one that explains why the Government seems so feckless, so compliant, so banker-friendly on everything: "The Government hasn't taken over the banks. The banks have taken over the Government."

The Chancellor looked straight back and started talking. And then came the response from, I think, everyone present: "Waaaaahach! Phwhhhhaaa!" It's all you can do.

simoncarr@sketch.sc