Do, re, mi

Reading the thoughts of Pete Waterman on the debt owed to classical music by the manufacturers of synthetic pop hits – that is himself, mostly – is a bit like being trapped by the pub bore. "Have you noticed that Slade's 'Merry Christmas' is basically the same as Beethoven's 'Ode to Joy'?" he asks, in between comparing himself to the Beatles and Burt Bacharach. No, Pete, we can't say we had, having more important things to do with our time such as cleaning out the fluff from the back of the glove compartment.

"Yeah, well, it's all the same notes, but in a different order." Really? How interesting. "Most of my hits for Kylie and Steps are inspired by classical composers, but" – and this is the bit he really did say – "my job is to make sure you don't spot it." So if we didn't, that makes you really good at your job, doesn't it? Or have we missed something?