The Firm (18)

It's strange how mild-mannered and inconsequential this remake, above, of Alan Clarke's classic football hooliganism TV drama turns out to be: the most grievous injury sustained by the fresh-faced hero is a bruise on the cheek.

It's clever of the director to kick out the violence – the clashes between rival "firms" are inconclusive displays of jostling and shouting – but he hasn't replaced it with much beyond a fixation on sportswear, and a glut of gastronomic slang. Who's that ice cream? What a dry lunch! Don't be a lemon!