Car review; Mercedes-AMG G63

Pimped-up heroics...

My test example was in ‘Sunset Beam Metallic’, a shade of orange off the Pantone scale – more orange than Judith Chalmers (Photography by Mercedes-Benz)

They say you should never meet your heroes, and I have some regret that I have, after many decades, finally got myself behind the wheel of a Mercedes-Benz G-Wagen, a car that has intrigued me for the nigh-on 40 years since it grumbled onto the market. (G-Wagen, by the way, standing for Geländewagen, or, erm, “land vehicle”. It’s also known officially now as the G-Class, and is built for Mercedes by Puch in Austria, four-wheel drive specialists.) The G63 AMG Colour Edition is the pimped one.

Mercedes-Benz has stuffed a 5.5 litre V8 under the bonnet (Mercedes-Benz)

It is a strange creation, more especially nowadays. It was designed, long ago, as a go-anywhere Land Rover-style vehicle primarily for the use of the German armed forces. Given that, it emerged as a no-nonsense, rather basic machine, fit for purpose and, as with the Land Rover and Jeep before it, endowed serendipitously with form-following-function handsome looks. It was only recently brought into the UK as an official import by Mercedes-Benz, and, as I say, it has evolved somewhat. It has now been blinged, had a 5.5 litre V8 stuffed under the bonnet, given AMG tuning and body-kit, loaded with gadgets and leather trim, and comes in a range of special “Colour Editions”, the more garish the better. My test example was in “Sunset Beam Metallic”, a shade of orange off the Pantone scale – more orange than Judith Chalmers, the Dutch football team, the Democratic Unionist Party and that bald bloke who played the “You’ve Been Tango’d” man put together. What’s wrong with battlefield olive?

It probably goes round corners better than any 2.5 ton shed has any right to (Mercedes-Benz)

There again, some of the old touches remain. The back door opens sideways, with the enormous spare wheel mounted on it, which might not the most secure setting. With the central rear headrest it makes seeing out of the back all but impossible. There’s a letterbox-style flat windscreen, like you’d find on an obsolete London cab, say, or indeed a Land Rover Defender, presumably for cost and simplicity of replacement under tough running conditions, with dinky little wipers. The door handles are “old school” too – released with a button and what look to be some flimsy locks relatively – nothing is truly flimsy on this beast). It’s a big old thing, higher even than most modern SUVs so you look down your nose at Range Rovers and Bentley Bentaygas (as well you might in a £162,000 motor of such a fine pedigree), but it’s comparatively narrow, though again not as narrow as the 1979 original, thanks to some fashionably gigantic alloy wheels and the necessary extensions to the arches to accommodate them. There’s the usual Mercedes-Benz system to operate the sat nav, radio and so on, which isn’t touch screen so is not quite modern, plus some TV screens for the rear passengers, something the original Bundeswehr conscripts probably missed out. Ditto the heated/massaging front seats; electrically adjustable in every direction and with a special “grip” mode to make sure you don’t wallow around too much going round the racetrack or the farm. By the way, the French military also liked the G-Wagen, but they insisted on calling it a Peugeot P4. I thought you’d like to know that.

The £162,000 price tag doesn’t stretch to a touch screen (Mercedes-Benz)

Indoors it is basically a bit cosy, so yours will need to be close-knit family, as well as a wealthy one; outdoors it isn’t greatly suitable as an urban tractor, though I imagine the G63 Wagen will get up Mount Kilimanjaro faster than anything else on God’s green earth. I stand ready to lead the expedition.

That, though, wasn’t really the disappointing bit. The disappointing, unheroic, bit is that the vast performance potential of the car – virtually supercar levels – can’t be comfortably used by the average owner, I venture to suggest. I’m guessing that it probably goes round corners better than any 2.5 ton shed with a ladder-type chassis and a high centre of gravity has any right to, but I wasn’t going to test that. On the straight it is pretty composed, harmonic and jolly exhilarating, but life isn’t all straight smooth roads, as David Davis is discovering. It is still saddled with some fairly basic engineering under all the eye-catching bodywork, and, for the price of a modest house in the Midlands, you’re entitled to a bit more athleticism with your status symbol.

The spec

Mercedes-AMG G63 4Matic Colour Edition

Price: £152,600 (£162,530 as tested)

Engine capacity: 5.5 litre petrol; 7-sp auto

Power output (hp @ rpm): 571@5,500

Top speed (mph): 143 (electronically limited)

0-62 mph (seconds): 5.4

Fuel economy (mpg): 20.5

CO2 emissions (g/km): 322

 

I recall well driving one of the last Defenders a few years ago, and, having read so much about them being “agricultural” I was still a bit disappointed by how it went (ponderously), and not much better than some of the classic models I’ve also punted round fields. The G63, in the same idiom, betrays its military roots too easily, but even so I’d prefer the authentic version. This G63 is far from the pure version designed for Nato to take on the Red Army as it swept mercilessly across the North German Plain on their way to the English Channel. It’s more about reconnaissance missions in Hollywood, Moscow (touch of irony), Kensington or the shopping malls of Dubai. It’s a bit of shame, in a way, fun as it all is.

A lighter, greener, more up-to-date version is due in the spring (Mercedes-Benz)

Today the tooling for the G-Wagen must have long-since been amortised, and it seems to have as its main function the generation of vast profits per unit for parent company Daimler AG. I read that there’s a V12 convertible version on the way, a final blaze of kitsch glory before stricter emissions regulations and modern safety standards drive the old G-Wagen out of our lives, like they did for the Defender. I’m torn about that, and no longer quite so sure it’ll be a shame. A mostly new version is due in the spring, with the same solid chassis and chunky styling, but with up-to-date electronics and rather lighter and greener than the first version. I look forward to it, and maybe to meeting a new hero.