Congratulations, Boris – now back to the mounting scandals

The birth of the children of leaders is a traditional focus of sentimentality in British culture, so it’s characteristic to see people distracted from the politics

‘The scandals are coming so fast that we don’t get chance to focus on one story before the next comes whizzing in’ (PA Wire)

Breaking: Carrie and Boris Johnson announce the birth of a baby girl. Also breaking: Boris Johnson’s grip on the country.

Congratulations to the Johnsons on their little bundle of joy. I’m sure they’ll make the most of this happy respite from the many and various scandals that are mounting around Downing Street.

It seems Baby Johnson’s already a dab hand at deflecting media attention away from negative press. Impressive. Good try, Littlest Johnson, but I’m not sure that patter of tiny feet will be enough to turn heads away from the scale of turpitude this time, though.

The birth of the children of leaders is a traditional focus of sentimentality in British culture, so it’s characteristic to see people distracted from the politics.

The scandals are coming so fast that we don’t get chance to focus on one story before the next comes whizzing in. Rambling speeches about Peppa Pig, unauthorised Westminster Christmas parties, footage of Jacob Rees-Mogg making fun of the scandal around unauthorised Westminster Christmas parties, the resignation of government adviser Allegra Stratton, Electoral Commission fines for breaking rules over declaring the cash for the Downing Street flat, a U-turn on Covid Plan B, and calls for resignation if Johnson’s found to have misled parliament. The Prime Minister hasn’t dug himself a hole as much as an abyss – and he’s sinking fast.

Even Johnson’s skills as a rhetorician seem to be abandoning him as fast as his supporters. Previously, Johnson’s been lauded for his oracy, his humour, and his charisma. And, to be fair, his signature scruffy baffoonish charm have got him far – all the way to 10 Downing Street.

But now he looks increasingly incompetent and increasingly out of his depth as prime minister. The nation squirmed while we watched his shambolic speech to the CBI last month, making car noises like a toddler and playing for laughs in the absence of meaningful content. His repetition of “forgive me” while searching for his lost place in his bundle of notes.

If we can forgive ineptitiude, and some seem willing given that it’s been a signature of the Johnson leadership, can we forgive duplicity? We’ve now discovered that while our PM told us that he didn’t know who was behind the refurbishment of the No.11 , he was actually WhatsApping the donor about cash. No amount of japery – or babies – can get him out of this mess, surely?

His team aren’t helping. Sajid Javid fooled no one when he claimed that he didn’t do media interviews on the anniversary of Covid vaccinations because he was “upset by that video.” All the more reason for visibility, then, Sajid.

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But which video is he referring to? The one of Allegra Stratton joking about a lockdown Christmas party at No. 10 or the one of Jacob Rees-Mogg – always good for a nose thumb at the rest of us – speaking to a closely packed gathering: “I see we’re all here obeying regulations, aren’t we? I mean, this party is not going to be investigated by the police in a year’s time? You are all very carefully socially distanced…”

Ho ho! What wags! While others are recovering from the trauma of being unable to be with relatives in their dying moments, Rees-Mogg laughs it up.

The true gauge of the nation’s feelings, Gary Lineker, tweeted: “After all the sacrifices the people of this country have made, they’re laughing at us. Pretty unforgiveable.”

Anyway, best wishes to the Johnsons on their new arrival. With any luck, Boris will have more time to focus on fatherhood in the near future.