I’m a dad who lost my baby. How am I supposed to grieve?

When Louis Pilard’s son Sasha died, the pain of his loss was immeasurable. But the practical and emotional challenges he and his wife faced were cruelly compounded by a system that they found ill-equipped to deal with bereavement

Most parents whose babies die are primarily looking for an apology and a promise that the same problem will not happen again (Getty Images)

When the doctor told us, in a room full of beeping, ringing alarms and panicked healthcare staff, that our baby boy Sasha’s heart had stopped beating, I suddenly felt like I wasn’t a modern man in an advanced society – I was just a scared mammal. I was frightened and stood there in the hospital ward, wondering where my son had gone.

It felt too big for me to comprehend. I only knew that in that instant, everything had changed. And then, all too soon, the rest of life requires you to step on wobbly legs back into the daily world of mundane necessity.