The Top 10: More jokes

As is traditional at this time of year: season, jolly and that kind of thing

(Moose Allain)

Thanks to all these wits and wonders of Twitter. Especially to Moose Allain for permission to use his cartoon (above): do visit his website.

1. I went to a music themed fancy dress party as a harp. The host said: “You’re not a harp, your costume is too small!” I said: “Are you calling me a lyre?” The Dad Joke Man.

2. Imhotep – the most humbly opinionated of the ancient Egyptians. Kevin Hague.

3. Charles Dickens was a journalist before he became an author – he worked for two local newspapers: it was the Bicester Times and it was the Worcester Times. Jam.

4. Just finished a heart-warming book about a removal company. It really got to the heart of what these people do for a living. Moving stuff. Glenny Rodge.

5. I’ve been thrown out of the Arctic Circle for revealing secrets about the Arctic. Moose Allain.

6. I avoid European capital cities like the Prague. Phlegm Clandango.

7. For years I hunted the creature called “the Medusa of the Seas”, whose mere glance turned men into whales. One day, in the remote floes of the North, I chased her down. Then I saw her face. Now I’m a beluga. David Quantick.

8. Thinking of opening up a chicken restaurant. It’s mostly grain and seeds, right? Glenny Rodge.

9. I’m opening a chicken coop. Owned by the chickens. For the chickens. Returntogo.

10. Insulate Britain say they’re working on a manifesto, but at present all they’ve got is a draft. Charles Arthur.

Next week: The Top 10 Top 10s of 2021.

Coming soon: Politically significant small shops, such as the Tesco Express at Westminster, Alf Roberts’s grocery in Grantham and Four Seasons Total Landscaping.

Your suggestions please, and ideas for future Top 10s, to me on Twitter, or by email to top10@independent.co.uk