Chrissy Teigen says John Legend 'hated' taking photos of pregnancy loss in emotional blog post

Teigen and Legend revealed pregnancy loss in late September

Chrissy Teigen says John Legend ‘hated’ taking photos of pregnancy loss (Getty Images)

Chrissy Teigen has reflected on the loss of her and John Legend’s third child in a new essay, in which she revealed that Legend “hated” taking photos of the pregnancy loss. 

In the blog post, shared on Medium on Tuesday, Teigen began by explaining that she had “no idea” when she would be ready to address the heartbreaking experience.

“I had no idea when I would be ready to write this. Part of me thought it would be early on, when I was still really feeling the pain of what happened,” Teigen wrote. “I thought I would sit in the corner of my bedroom with the lights dimmed, just rolling off my thoughts. I’d have a glass of red wine, cozy up with a blanket, and finally get the chance to address ‘what happened.’”

However, according to Teigen, she was able to write the post after “a morning of friends and fried chicken.”

The 34-year-old also reflected on the countless well-wishes she and Legend received after sharing on 30 September the news of the loss of their baby, which they had named Jack.

“For weeks, our floors have been covered in flowers of kindness. Notes have flooded in and have each been read with our own teary eyes. Social media messages from strangers have consumed my days, most starting with, ‘you probably won’t read this, but…’ I can assure you, I did,” Teigen wrote.

Teigen also revealed details of her time in the hospital, and the moments that stand out to her from the day, such as when she was wheeled down to a new floor covered in a thin blanket to “hide," knowing “I was about to fully deliver what was supposed to be the 5th member of our beautiful family, a son, only to say goodbye moments later.”

The cookbook author then touched on her decision to share photos from the day she and Legend lost the baby, revealing why it was important to her.

In September, Teigen shared five photos from the day the couple had to say goodbye to Jack after learning that he would “not survive” her partial placenta abruption, despite numerous blood transfusions and bed rest. 

Explaining that Legend “hated” having to take photos of the emotional day, Teigen wrote: “I had asked my mom and John to take pictures, no matter how uncomfortable it was. I explained to a very hesitant John that I needed them, and that I did NOT want to have to ever ask. That he just had to do it. He hated it. I could tell.

“It didn’t make sense to him at the time. But I knew I needed to know of this moment forever, the same way I needed to remember us kissing at the end of the aisle, the same way I needed to remember our tears of joy after Luna and Miles. And I absolutely knew I needed to share this story.”

In the first photo she shared, Teigen can be seen bent over crying in her hospital bed. According to the TV presenter, the photo was taken shortly after she learned it would be time to “let go”. 

“I cried a little at first, then went into full blown convulsions of snot and tears, my breath not able to catch up with my own incredibly deep sadness. Even as I write this now, I can feel the pain all over again,” she wrote.

Teigen also acknowledged some of the criticism she received over her decision to share the intimate photos, writing that  she “cannot express how little I care that you hate the photos.”

“How little I care that it’s something you wouldn’t have done,” she continued. "I lived it, I chose to do it, and more than anything, these photos aren’t for anyone but the people who have lived this or are curious enough to wonder what something like this is like. 

“These photos are only for the people who need them. The thoughts of others do not matter to me.”

After delivering Jack, Teigen said she, John and her mother held him and said their own “private goodbyes.” According to  Teigen, the baby’s ashes are now in a small box, “waiting to be put into the soil of a tree in our new home, the one we got with his room in mind.”

The cookbook author, who shares children Luna, four, and Miles, two, with Legend, then revealed that she experiences both happy and sad moments since the loss, and that she often forgets she’s not pregnant anymore. 

Teigen concluded the essay sharing moments where strangers have grieved with her, explaining that these moments have been “nothing short of beautiful," before encouraging people to share their own stories and to be kind. 

“I wrote this because I knew for me I needed to say something before I could move on from this and return back to life, so I truly thank you for allowing me to do so,” Teigen wrote. "Jack will always be loved, explained to our kids as existing in the wind and trees and the butterflies they see. 

“Thank you so much to every single person who has had us in their thoughts or gone as far as to send us your love and stories. We are so incredibly lucky.”